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I'd like to schedule a 4 or 5 day ski trip for the family in January or February. We want a place that can provide good intermediate slopes for the adults and a great beginner ski school for the kids.
A nice, family-oriented apres ski environment would be great (skating rink, eateries, etc).

Prefer someplace that is 3-5 hours from the bay area driving but would do a plane trip for the right spot.

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This may not be what you were thinking about but I have to throw my hat in the ring for Aspen. The snow is amazing. Great instructors. Really fun apres ski. Wonderful restaurants. And after the New Year, you will have less crowds.
You may want to check out Northstar for something that is driving distance. There are accommodations that are walking distance to the slopes and it has stores, restaurants and a skating rink at the base. The ski school is supposed to be top notch. I know lots of bay area families that head up there every winter.

For something smaller and less crowded you may want to check out Badger Pass in Yosemite (you can take a shuttle from Yosemite valley) or Bear Valley. I have not been to either of these spots (maybe some who has can chime in) but I've heard they are very family oriented.

Finally, if you do decide to make the trip to Aspen (which is awesome) you may want to book your flights now while they fares are low to Denver. If you are willing to fly, Deer Valley in Utah always ranks at the top of ski resorts in the US.
I'm not the best resource for skiing but I've asked a couple friends about their favorite family ski destinations and here are some of their recommendations...

Dodge Ridge: For something close to the Bay Area (that doesn't require the Tahoe-Interstate 80 drive) and relatively less crowded, a couple folks recommended Dodge Ridge.

Alta and Solitude: For folks that are willing to jump on a flight to Salt Lake City (flights are inexpensive on Southwest) Alta and Solitude were noted for having great snow, family oriented resorts with strong ski schools and other kid activities, and shorter lift lines/fewer crowds than some of the better known ski resorts.

Mount Hood: I've never been but a family member said they fly into Portland and then stay in the Timberline Lodge that has the classic feel of a historic resort.

Northstar: Some people love it, others don't. I've heard that you may want to stay close to the slopes to avoid crowded parking lots. It also gets criticized for expensive kid tickets.

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